So much going on...

And let's face it - I'm lazy when it comes to this business of blogging. Or does it sound better to simply say that I'm not sure how anyone has time for all this online business of blogging/facebook/myspace/flickr/youtube...etc. etc.? It's a lot of work! How is one expected to keep up?

Well, I'll try to catch up on some of the things we've been doing since my last post in June. It was a very busy summer and we spent the 4th of July in OR with my parents and sister. It was a lot of fun and Gracie adored being adored by my family. Towards the end of that month, Luis had a procedure called a "mini maze" on his heart. It sounds much more innocent than it actually is and involved him being in surgery for nearly 5 hours and then spending one night in the ICU. He did very well initially with the surgery and they were able to correct his a-fib but, unfortunately, we've just found out this month that he's developed a new problem. He'd been on a heart monitor for a day when the cardiologist called to tell us that his heart is apparently skipping beats. They removed him from one of his blood pressure medications (apparently hoping that that particular medicine is causing the skipped beats) but we'll have to wait until the end of this month to see the cardiologist to find out how they'll fix this. It could possibly involve installing a pacemaker so this looks like we're going to be dealing with this problem for awhile. It's such a bummer because we'd really hoped that we were getting to the bottom of his problems and had had it solved. It's terrible to go all through this and find out that there's a new problem involved.

The good news is that we did do some traveling before we found out about the bad news on his heart. We spent about a week in SoCal and took Gracie to Disneyland for several days and then visited with my sister at her house for several days. We really had a great time and watching Gracie have fun at Disneyland was the best form of entertainment. Luis and I were able to spend one evening in the park by ourselves because I actually hired a babysitter to come to our hotel to watch Gracie. It was expensive but sooo worth it and the babysitter turned out to be amazing. Gracie had a fabulous time with her so it worked out really well.

Luis and I celebrated our 5th Anniversary on October 24th. Hard to believe that so much time has gone by. I look at our wedding photo on our bedroom wall and wonder who those folks are on a daily basis. Not only have our bodies changes so completely but our lives are so different now too. Having a child does change everything... in so many amazing ways.

At 3.5 - Gracie is so darn bright, funny and irrepressible... apt to break out into a song of her own composition at any minute. The first song she wrote was "I'm a Beautiful Princess" and we've moved onto a second composition called, "Sweetheart. I love you." Amazingly enough, both songs sound very much the same except for the respective titles and both are continually moving targets in that they change with each performance. She loves attending her new dance class and is in the same class as her friend Maci and watching them dance each week is a real hoot. She may not be all that "Grace" ful but she's earnest and works hard at watching what Miss Sandy does so that she can do it too. She loves the show, "Dancing with the Stars" and begs to watch it each week and to dance along with us. No one is allowed to sit while that TV show is on in our house. Everyone has to DANCE!

She's most definitely a girlie-girl and we've known that for awhile. However, it wasn't until Halloween rolled around that I realized just what that meant in Gracie terms. She had two perfectly lovely costumes to choose from to wear on Halloween night. Her Sleeping Beauty dress and a new Tinkerbell costume that my sister bought for her. Luckily for her, she also had several opportunities to dress up prior to Halloween. We were invited to Anna's house for a costume party and then we went to a Family Night Out with my mom's group and she got to dress up the too. The day before Halloween, we asked her whether she wanted to wear her Tinkerbell or Princess Aurora costume and we were treated to an eye roll and an attitude I'd expect to see from a 12 year old - but not from my three year old! She said, "Oh Daddy... I can't wear my Tinkerbell *OR* my Sleeping Beauty costumes because I already wore them for parties this week. I need a *new* costume for Halloween." We nearly died... after we stopped laughing anyway. And for those who would agree with her line of reasoning, rest assured that we did indeed come up with a new costume. Pieced together from stuff I already had in her closet but it made her happy and she skipped merrily around the block with her cousin Kyle and I collecting candy and unabashedly soliciting compliments on her "Fairy Princess" costume.

So now we're all the way into November - it's hard to believe that so much of this year has come and gone. My parents are here visiting for a few days and will be heading to SoCal to leave for Mexico for a couple of weeks. We'll see them again for Xmas as we're planning to head down there ourselves on the 26th.

My darling Gracie couldn't let them visit without trying to squeeze them for whatever she could get though so when we visited them in their trailer on Tuesday night, I immediately noticed that she proclaimed herself "cold" upon returning to the trailer after dinner. My suspicious mind swung into action because I knew where this was headed. After my mom put on a pot of coffee and turned up the heat, Gracie again complained about the cold. When that inspired no further action, she felt finally compelled to do something about it and finally told my mom that "some hot cocoa would help her feel warmer." What a little scammer! She forgets nothing... how I'm supposed to stay ahead of this is beyond me. And I'm fearful that if this is what she's up to at three, then what are we in for when she's 13? God, help us... it's going to be an interesting ride. But then, I suppose every parent can say that.

Mostly, I'm left with an overwhelming thankfulness. That's she's happy, growing, healthy and so full of life, love and energy. It's really all I can ask for.

We have an official preschooler now...

So our beautiful daughter turned three on April 23rd... it's hard to believe it but it's true. She had such a great party and a great time. We had lots of friends and family over to celebrate her big day. Complete with cake, ice cream and a pinata. A good time was had by all. She knew she was going to have to share her toys and stuff in her room and was fine with it (a huge step forward) but was quite disappointed that the boys who came over didn't want to play dress up in her fancy dresses. I had to try to explain that boys often don't like to play dress up and suggested some other activities that she might suggest to them!

We took her for her three year check up with Dr. Leavy and he reports that she's growing normally and looking very healthy so that was good news. She was curiously excited about going to the doctor (and had apparently forgotten the shots she got at 2) and since she didn't get shots this time, I'm hoping that her 4 year check up will go smoothly. She's now got an appt. to see her dentist, Dr. Coyle in two weeks and she's excited about going there too. I've already asked Dr. Coyle to talk to her about binky since I think that she'll be far more willing to give up binky on her own if he says that binky isn't good for her teeth. He assures me that this isn't really true and she's fine if she decides to hang onto it. Since she's done so well with giving up other things from babyhood, I'm not sure why this particular one is so difficult but I'd still much rather have her make the decision than make it for her. We'll see how that goes.

It's been really a rough few months in transition. Miss Frances had decided to close her daycare in early March and we really scrambled looking for replacement care. We knew that this wasn't going to be an easy transition for Gracie and it was really borderline nightmarish. The first trauma was with Frances telling her that she was closing... and then Gracie watching and witnessing all that that meant. Frances, unfortunately, had folks coming to buy toys/furnishings etc while the kids were there and so Gracie had to watch these treasured items go one by one. It was very hard on her. Then, once we finally found a new daycare person, we found out that Gracie couldn't start there on that first week of April because she was taking that week off. Frances, bless her heart, agreed to watch Gracie that week at her and Jeff's house but it was hard because she had no toys and no set up at his place for kids. When she finally did get started at Miss Kellee's the following week, it was really difficult. While I had taken Gracie there a few times prior to starting there, the impact of being left there without me didn't quite take hold until I actually tried to leave. The previous trips there were all about having fun with me there and she didn't quite get the fact that this was going to work the same way that it had with Miss Frances and that I'd be leaving her there. Needless to say, there were lots of tears (mine mostly in the privacy of my car) and she had a terrible first day there and received several time outs. I think that Miss Kellee runs a tighter ship overall and Gracie and she really butted heads. In addition, Miss Frances always had plenty of hugs and kisses to dole out and Miss Kellee seems more hands off.

The change was just enough to make the next several weeks hell for me. I was honestly driven to the point where I bribed Gracie with a sticker if she didn't complain or cry about going to Kellee's house in the morning. I put the stickers in my car and let her take one if she didn't have a total meltdown in the car on the way over. I feel like a horrible mom bribing my daughter to hold back with how she's feeling but it was really a matter of survival at that point. I simply couldn't keep taking her and leaving her in such a state every morning.

She seems to have turned the corner now and seems much happier in Kellee's care. She's getting along with the other girls and I especially notice that she and Abby play together very well and seem very happy to play with one another. This is another big step forward. In the past, she's been mainly happy parallel playing but with Abby, she's actively seeking play *with* her and this is a definite change I'm noticing with other playmates as well. She's fussing much less about going now and while I still cringe over the bribery part, I know that we'll eventually get beyond this.


One thing is clear - she's become very adept at figuring out how to get a "yes" answer. We knew she was really smart and as her speech and vocabulary continue to improve, she's been able to go from demanding her wishes, to (grudgingly) asking for what she wants. Too often though, that meant that her wishes were thwarted - even when she asked nicely. Now she's really thinking through a scenerio and asking in such a way as to get the answer she wants. Case in point... warm cocoa. The scene: kitchen in the early morning as mom is desperately trying to get breakfast on the table and keep one active three year old out of the kitchen while breakfast is being made. In desperation, said mom has a light bulb moment where she asks the child in question to "go sit at the kitchen table and I'll go make you some warm cocoa. But you must stay seated at the table while you drink it. Okay?" Child readily agrees to this rare and unexpected treat and sits happily at the table while breakfast is being made.
Scene two: next day... same kitchen, same mom, same child. Child is writhing on floor, bringing various toys in underfoot and is shooed repeatedly from kitchen vicinity. At some point, child returns to kitchen complaining that "she's cold." Mom tells her to go find her slippers and put them on. Apparently the wrong answer. Dad finds her blanket in the living room and wraps her up in it. Again, the apparent wrong answer but said parents are still clueless as to her real desire. Finally, child in desperation just lays it out there and says... "some warm cocoa would help me get warm."

Ohmigod... my child tried to outwit us!!! Not for the first time, mind you... but never before done so cleverly and underhandedly. Clearly, this does not bode well for our future. We are both dismayed, scared, and, despite ourselves, proud of her cleverness. What next? Stay tuned...

From tears of joy to tears of frustration...

in less than 30 seconds. Argh!!!

So my lovely daughter and I were out shopping on Monday (my day off) and we'd been to a couple of stores and I could tell that Gracie was getting tired and hungry. Never a good sign when errands are involved. Me, being the "mom-of-the-year" candidate that I am, bribes said daughter on my way into Target by telling her that if she'll agree to ride quietly in the shopping cart, that I'll buy her some popcorn and a lemonaide for our trip around the store. My darling daughter agrees happily and so I remove her from the carseat thinking... "gee, this might even work!"

As I carry my 35 lb tired toddler into the store, she unexpectedly puts her head down on my shoulder and says, "are you okay now Mommy?" in reference to my surgery last year. I assure her that, yes, I'm fine and I asked her whether she worries about me. (My response is in direct relation to the amount of guilt I feel over stressing her even the tinest bit!) And she said, "Yes, Mommy. You're my best friend." Okay, that one sentence was enough to nearly drive me to my knees in tears... and I told her just how happy I was to hear her say that. Meanwhile, my mind swirled with the proud and happy thought that I must not be doing as much wrong as a parent as I thought. I felt a justified boost in confidence as a parent. I felt... vindicated! Invincible! Strong!

I felt like crawling under a rug... because not 30 seconds later, my sweet, loving daughter was throwing herself onto the floor at the entrance of Target screaming because she wanted the popcorn but refused to sit in the cart. Meanwhile, hordes of smirking shoppers swarmed around my daughter like roaches parting through a sea of roach spray. All of them giving me knowing glances and some even saying... "looks like it's nap time..."

So, just know that Gracie teaches me something everyday...Always expect the unexpected. Complacency gets you nowhere fast. Smugness will trip you up every time. Humility goes a long way. Parents have very hard jobs. Parents are the luckiest people in the world.

I'm so lucky to have her. This I know with every fiber of my being... this might be the one and only thing I ever know for sure about being a mom.

I'm backkkk...

Well, life continues to be interesting in the Sarrade household. Gracie had a fabulous Christmas - she got SOOOO many new toys and stuff to play with. In addition, we took her to Disneyland (her new mecca) when we were in SoCal visiting with my sister the week after Xmas. Everyone had the flu (or got it while we were there) so we actually left and came home early but the damage was done. All of us had the crud on/off most of January. We also went on Gracie's first plane ride to my parent's house in early Jan. She had an amazing time with them and loved fishing with Grandpa, visiting a friend's restaurant/gift shop and feeding the seagulls while we were there, collecting shells on the beach... it was a Gracie dream come true. If she could have somehow combined it to add in the Disney Princesses then we'd have reached a state of total Nirvana...

We did have a sad event in December - we lost our cat of almost 17 years which really took us all down. Gracie was hit especially hard since she really loved Jasmine and could almost perfectly imitate her demanding "meow." However, in the past couple of weeks, we did go out and adopt two new cats... Mimosa (Mimzie) and Contessa (Tess) who have come into our lives and rescued us from some of that sadness. It still lingers but having them in our house is a definite bright spot.

I continue to do well post-op. I have lost about 90 lbs. in the 6 mos since I had surgery. Gracie asks about my surgery every now and again (Mommy? Is your tummy healed up?) but has seemed to fail to notice any change in my body shape - nor has she ever mentioned the change in Luis since his surgery nearly two years ago despite the pictures of both of us around the house prior to the weight loss. I always wonder how soon before she asks about how this came about.

A couple of weeks ago we also took her to the Disney on Ice show which was a huge hit. Anything Disney or Princess is big in our household. She wore her Princess Aurora dress (purchased for an exorbitant amount at Disneyland) and joined hundreds of other little Sacramento area "princesses" for the show. It was pretty cute but expensive. One must continually remind oneself that they're only this little once in order to continue to justify things such as a $10 box of popcorn or an $85 princess dress... oy vey!

Through it all though, with every sweet look or glance, I'm continually reminded at just how fortunate we are to have her... she is the singular most amazing thing that has ever happened to me and I thank God daily for her presence in our lives.

I'm already a slacker...

See? It's almost been a month since my last post. In my defense, it has been busy with trying to get ready for the holidays but I guess that's just an excuse.

Anyway, it looks like we have grown a little scammer. Yesterday morning, on my way to work, she was gabbing with herself in the back seat and she suddenly announced that "when you get home, Mommy, that we're going to go to the neighbor's house and knock on the door and say 'Merry Christmas!' when they open the door and then we're going to ask for Christmas candy." Hmmm... I assured her, that no - we don't go door to door for candy at Christmas but she said that yes - we were going. I then explained that we only do that at Halloween and that we'll do it again next year but not until Halloween rolls around again. This was met with dead silence for a moment before she recovered and said we should do it now. Oh boy - we have our hands full!

She's been quite the handful this past couple of months. Demanding everything - no asking. No "please," no "thank you" and nothing even coming close to being polite. I realize that we're dealing with an ego-centric two year old but this is ridiculous! So now we've really come down hard on her. We've resorted to turning off the TV when viewing it is demanded. Moo Cow is also prone to banishment and she knows that infractions will result in some sort of consequence. Sometimes I think she just plays the odds that something bad will happen. Other times, I think maybe she just forgets. But honestly, she's so smart, I lean most heavily towards the fact that we're being played for fools and damn if she's not close to the target there. How do parents survive these years and if it's like this now, what are we up against when she's 12? I shiver at the thought...

Nothing like a 3:00 AM wake up call...

I'm sound asleep this morning and from the depth of a most delicious sleep, I'm wakened by the mewling cries of my darling daughter. Like any good mother, I tense... hoping beyond hope that this is just a momentary glitch and that she'll go back to sleep on her own. Instead, the wails intensify and conjoin into an actual sentence of "I want my binky... I want my binky in my mouff!" Definitely a cry that means business. So, I dragged my sorry butt out of the warm (delightfully so) bed and down the hall to the light switch where I'm momentarily blinded in the glare. I continue down the hall and into her room to find her laying there quitely with the binky firmly ensconced. "What," I think??? I got out of bed for this? But no. Of course she wouldn't disappoint me like this because as soon as she saw me looking in disbelief at the binky, she said, quite clearly, "I want my bubba. I want my bubba in my mouff."

Arghhhh... I told her that bubbas were not for the middle of the night and that she needed to go back to sleep immediately. I covered her back up, turned the music on the mobile on and blindly headed back to bed where I inserted the ear plugs as deeply as I could and went back to sleep. Mothers need far more patience than I have at times...

Almost forgot this one...

Yesterday, while on the way to daycare, Gracie saw a yellow school bus and told me again- that she wants to ride on one to school. She wants to go to school in the worst way! I reiterated again that she needs to be 5 before she can go to school. I then asked her if she knew what grade she'd be in when she starts school. She was silent so I told her that she'd be in Kindergarten when she was 5. After a minute, she told me that she was going to pick all the flowers in the garden. I thought, huh? How did we move to the gardening topic? So I asked her what garden she wanted to pick flowers in and she said (duh!) KINDERGARTEN!

After I stopped laughing, I explained that Kindergarten isn't really a garden at all but that she'd have fun there and meet lots of new kids. It was just so cute.